Passive-aggressive personality, how to detect it

Passive-aggressive personality, how to detect it

The aggressive passive personality disorder, is characterized by a particularly passive attitude when it comes to essential obligations that anyone has to assume in life.

It derives from the inability to express anger in a healthy way. The feelings of the person suffering from it can be repressed to the point that no one around them realizes that they are angry or resentful.

Actually this type of passive-aggressive behavior is a way to turn abuse into something subtle. When someone hits us or shouts at us, we know it is abuse, we identify it right away. Turning abuse into something so veiled or disguising it with actions that appear to be normal, such as demonstrations of affection, is a strategy that requires great elaboration, and for which these people seem very well endowed.

Common passive-aggressive personality behaviors


These people rarely take what they say or say what they really think seriously. The best way to know how someone feels about a problem is the way they act in front of him, but they usually don't act in any way, which causes a lot of stress around him due to his ambiguous communication.

Memory loss

They avoid responsibilities "forgetting them." Unfortunately it is not easy to get mad at someone for forgetting a birthday, a date or an anniversary.

They don't feel guilt

They will never be responsible for their actions. If they cannot blame someone else, then they will look for some other excuse such as problems in their work, their education, etc. They will never be to blame; all the circumstances or people around you will have it and should be punished for that.

They don't express their anger

They never express their anger. The person who is passive-aggressive believes that anger is unacceptable, therefore, although he lives full of anger, he is complacent and then throws it in his face in a subtle way.

Fear of dependence

According to Scott Wetlzer, author of "Living with a Passive-Aggressive Man" says: "Unsure of his autonomy and fear of being alone, fight the need for dependence, usually trying to control you. He wants you to think that it is not up to you, but he unites himself more than he is willing to admit. Their relationships can become battlegrounds, where only he can claim victory and deny the need for your support. ”

Fear of privacy

They often cannot trust, because of that they protect themselves by not intimately joining someone. They will practice sex, but rarely make love. If they feel united to someone, they can end up punishing their partner without sex, something that is a mere contradiction.


For the person suffering from this disorder, it is important that those around him do not get what they want. They will act as if they were giving them what they want, but they will rarely go ahead or give what they are asked. It is very confusing to have someone who seems to want to give and does not really do it. If you have a partner, she will begin to feel that she is asking too much, which is exactly what he / she wants her to feel.


He constantly feels that he is treated unfairly. For example, if your partner gets angry because he or she is constantly late, he will be offended because in his head, he is never to blame for his delay. He will always be the innocent victim of the unreasonable expectations of the people around him.

Do not commit

They believe that deadlines are for everyone but them. They will do things in their own time and way, and curse people who expect something different from them.

Forms of communication of the passive-aggressive person

Thus, these people show a general behavior of passive resistance to the reasonable demands of social and labor performance. Communication occurs more indirectly than directly, which results in a persistent generalized labor and social inefficiency.

In addition, they passively express a covert aggression. There is persistence and blockade expressed indirectly through maneuvers such as avoidance, wasted time and intentional inefficiency.

This people they become moody, irritable or argumentative when asked to do something (they are driven under irresponsibility) that they don't want to do.

They often protest about how unreasonable the demands are on them and reject useful suggestions regarding how to be more productive. As a result of their resistance to their demands, criticize or unreasonably make fun of people who have authority or that, on the other hand, are those that raise such demands.

We talk about people who are demanding and dependent, who lack confidence in themselves, who are pessimistic about the future and above all, who are not aware that their projective behavior is the cause of their difficulties.

So you know, if you know someone who meets all or most of these characteristics, you probably face a person with a passive-aggressive personality disorder.