Some falls are the means to get up to happier situations. William Shakespeare
They say there is nothing that leads more to success than failure itself. However, sometimes we tend to forget this and get carried away by the terrible feeling of frustration we find after not meeting our expectations. Absolutely all people fail on occasion. Sometimes mildly and sometimes loudly considerable. Many of the most illustrious names in history have told stories of absolute failure before they succeed. How to find the strength to move forward despite the failure? Today we explain some guidelines to accept our failures and move forward with more wisdom and strength.
The psychology of failure
Failure produces a great feeling of dissatisfaction that can block us and fill us with anxiety. Some studies have proven how the feeling of failure it can affect concentration, attention and other cognitive abilities, sabotaging future performance. It is as if the failure to cause some people to reject themselves, instead of using it, learn from it.
The teacher Martin Covington from the University of California found in an investigation that one of the strategies to protect our self-esteem is to believe that we are competent and demonstrate it to others. That is why, consequently, failure can nullify our self-esteem and make us believe that we are not valid. However, this teacher also verified how some people are not so afraid of failure and these are the ones that focus on learning for the simple enjoyment of learning, being mostly oriented to success.
How to accept failure?
Failure is part of our own learning. We could never have learned to walk if we had not staggered and fallen several times when we barely had stability. But after a good tantrum, we would get up and do it again until, step by step, we reached the arms of those who called us. To be happy not only have to learn to succeed but also learn to fail. Here are some tips and thoughts to overcome failure, learn from it and be at peace with yourself.
Accept how you feel
Those who see in each disappointment a stimulus for greater conquests, those have the right point of view towards life. Goethe
It is normal to feel damaged when it fails. We may have maintained high expectations about certain results and suddenly we must face the fact that reality does not match what we had wanted. Sometimes, failure causes us some dissatisfaction, but other times it is too painful, depending on the level of expectations and the importance of what we wanted to achieve.
Trying to look the other way and repress our emotions only leads to worsening the healing process and not let the emotional wounds heal. Accept how we feel and allowing us to surface those feelings will make the process less painful in the long run. Remember that we are all human and we can make mistakes, punishing ourselves in an excessive way does not lead to a better result.
There is nothing to learn from success (… ). Everything is learned from failure. David Bowie
As much as someone external explains something to us, or we read a lesson in a textbook, there is no better way to learn in life than to fail. It is mistakes and subsequent learning that make us mature and be wiser. A person who has never made a mistake could not have a realistic perception of life. Remember that failure also has a positive face and is to force us to analyze what mistakes we have made to change our actions. Even if we have not committed any, it puts us on notice to learn that in life not everything will always come out as we expect and trying to live in denial would only lead us to a state of frustration at constant immaturity.
When you feel bad about a failure, try to answer these questions with total honesty:
- What can I learn about this? Try to name just one thing
- What can I change in my actions to do better next time?
- What changes in my performances would make me more proud of me on other occasions, even if I failed again?
These conclusions will help us turn the page by learning from each of our failures from a more objective and external perspective.
Don't take it as personal
A failure is a man who has made a mistake, but is not able to turn it into experience. Elbert hubbard
When we have failed, it is easy to think that we are "doomed" to do it again and again, that we are not made to be successful and that everything we do will go wrong. We draw conclusions from concrete facts and internalize them as if those facts define us and become ourselves. But our identity is not only composed of these results and just because we have failed does not mean that by correspondence we are unsuccessful people. Many illustrious names in history have been people who have failed miserably before achieving success. Writers, musicians, politicians, athletes ... lots are the universal stars who have publicly explained their previous failures and how they decided to persist and not abandon. That is the difference: Failure does not mean being a failure. You are only a failure when you decide to be.
Invent a new point of view
"I have not failed. I have simply found10 thousand roads that don't work"Thomas A. Edison, entrepreneur and inventor.
In a society that trains us against failure since we are little, error has no place in our lives and this disturbs us a lot psychologically. Since we did the first exam in school until we conducted our first job interview, we have been taught that success equals happiness and that failure leads to an unsatisfied life, without being able to enter the University we wanted or access to the position we dreamed of. But this statement that we have fully established in our beliefs is not real, how many successful people, rich and famous, say they do not feel happy, how many claim to feel really miserable despite the money or status achieved? The level of happiness does not rest on our level of success but on how we accept ourselves and how satisfied we are in our own skin even when we fail deeply.
Changing this perspective is very important so as not to let us sink by our failures. Why don't we start thinking that if we fail it is because we are trying? Perhaps against more we fail closer we are to achieve it, because it means that we have not abandoned.
Do not seek the approval of others
Those who resign are more numerous than those who fail. Henry Ford
Do not seek the approval of others. Sometimes you will not find it, simply because we live in a very competitive world in which each person has a different opinion, which may be wrong or not. Walt Disney He was fired from his job in a newspaper because his boss thought he "had no imagination." "Carrie," Stephen King's first novel was rejected 30 times before it was published. And the list of successful people who were criticized or rejected before having it is immense. They did not get carried away by the opinions of others.
We cannot expect or pretend to like everyone and when we fail we fear the criticisms of others, what they will say and how to live with that "shame."
But it is your opinion that counts, not the other people who will also have to bear their own failures. Paying too much attention to the opinion of others only blocks and paralyzes us. Do not forget that it is your life and you have the right to fail, just like everyone else.
Failing means living and trying to deny this fact is trying to deny reality.. Not getting what we want can be a huge setback but at the same time a great life lesson. A lesson that we only learn by living. When you're going through a bump due to a failure, don't forget to breathe and remember these beautiful words of Charles Dickens: Every failure teaches man something he needed to learn.
Links of interest
What is frustration and how does it affect us? Marta Guerri. //www.psicoactiva.com/blog/la-frustracion-nos-afecta/
How to Overcome Failure: 9 Powerful Habits. Henrik Edberg //www.positivityblog.com/how-to-overcome-failure/
Five Ways To Make Peace With Failure. Susan Tardanico. //www.forbes.com/sites/susantardanico/2012/09/27/five-ways-to-make-peace-with-failure/#799c5a063640